Is there a better way to kick off a new year than by looking back at the year that was, and mocking the missteps of others? We think not. Each year, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission complies data from the nation’s emergency rooms and shares it with the world.
From that data comes this list of things medical professionals had to pull out of the rectums of patients in 2024.
- “Patient says he and his wife ‘got carried away’ and a portion of a plastic screwdriver handle is in his rectum”
- Xylophone mallet
- 12-inch ratchet extender…”patient doesn’t know why”
- Cooking spray
- “Patient states she believes she has a vibrator in either her rectum…or her vagina”
- Shampoo bottle
- Lotion bottle
- Can of deodorant
- Broomstick
- 18-inch dildo
- “Shoved a bag containing 20 hydroxyzine pills into his rectum for ‘street cred’”
- 3 AAA batteries
- 2 AA batteries
- 1 D battery
- “Tried to ‘remove poop’ with a pen a few days ago…lost pen in rectum”
- “Has plastic baby bottle up her rectum…patient states she and her male partner were ‘getting kinky’”
- 2 plastic bottles and a shot glass
- Tail of toy dinosaur
- “Patient states he tripped in the shower, fell backward, and landed on a shampoo bottle…which became lodged in his anus”
- “Patient states he slipped and fell in the bathtub, landing on a shark toy”
- Cigarette lighter
- “Took vibrator out of anus, and noticed the battery had come out”
- Light bulb
- Light bulb, broken
- Metal toilet paper holder
- “Motorized tire pump inserted into her rectum, and was insufflated for a duration of approximately 5 minutes”
- Marbles
- Darts
- Plastic lemon
- Fake banana
- Jell-o mold
Source: Defector