Abe Kanan was born and raised on the south side of Chicago and grew up hanging out at Metro, Aragon, Riv, and all of Chicago’s music venues, checking...Full Bio


Angi Taylor Show Recap With Jay The Gay - 6-2-2023

Photo: Flickr RF

This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place. 

Call in Point:

(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)

Oh man, it's going to be a real scorcher today which makes sense since it is Chainsaw Friyay after all. More importantly though (even if we're not the target audience) is that Taylor Swift is doing a weekend residency at Soldier Field that has already caused people to camp out in the heat to score merch they will forget about after the show. While it's cool and fun to get into this and of course, look forward to the show, there's an odd trend that is starting to take hold. Being labeled as "post concert amnesia," this is that thing where the moment some people leave a show, they completely blank on what had just occurred. Sure, you could normally chalk this up to being shwasted at the show but 12 year old Becky probably wasn't pounding beers. Oddly enough, this is something that happened to Angi after an incredibly expensive event. No, I don't mean her typical trips to the liquor store or her recent sale of her house (the countdown to her being homeless continues) but her wedding. Sure, we all remember the guy selling cocaine to the guests but much of the event is pretty much a blur. She can't remember what happened the next day and this was one of the occurrences where she wasn't wasted. In her defense though, Angi rarely gets wasted and is more of a good time Angi (then again, her body is a pollution factory so for her to get to wasted territory, it would take more than a night of cocktails.) Even though she doesn't remember half her wedding, the people she talked to or Vince Neil talking about loan machines that rock, there are vivid bits that linger. The reason that this phenomenon happens appears to do with biology and straining it down further, hormone release. See, when you're in a highly emotional state, your body thinks that you are being attacked with stress. Since your body is meant to protect you from trauma (or in certain peoples cases, invoke more,) it will release chemicals that end up blocking memories. For example, if you fight a bear, there's a good chance you're going to forget all the punches you threw and probably wonder why your body is covered in claw marks. Take it down a notch to fights in general, as most people sometimes black out and forget what went down (or if you kill your ex wife and her lover and then spend the rest of your life looking for the "real killer.") If you're a parent accompanying your child this weekend, take a few pics and videos of the event you spent $8,000,000 on. Perhaps don't have the kids bring a diary as Abe suggested because ... well, that's a stupid idea. 

Other Stuff from Today's Show

After contemplating which female celebrities deserve to have money (which is essentially what happened,) a roadie named Dave called in to mention that actress Jami Gertz (The Lost BoysLess Than Zero, the "square to spare" girl on Seinfeld) is currently worth 3 billion dollars. This was made after doing some great investments and starting businesses piggybacking off her husband who has a 130 billion dollar company. This exploration of exorbitant wealth was immediately flipped into a list of Top 10 Actors/Actresses people can't stand (please note, this is in no particular order.)

Andy Dick (annoying sexual assaulter)

Steven Seagal (Russian sympathizer)

James Corden (a-hole)

Jared Leto (cult leader)

Lena Dunham (racist brat)

Will Smith (will slap you)

James Franco (sexual assaulter)

Jesse Eisenberg (annoying)

Kevin Hart (one note actor)

Woody Allen (child sex predator)

As for who Angi & Abe hate, Angi's list included Mel Gibson (racist a-hole,) Alec Baldwin (murderer a-hole,) and Gweneth Paltrow (annoying bone broth eater.) Abe was watching The Conners and realized he hates Sara Gilbert (bad actress) and can't understand how she has a TV career.

Finally, we took a little time to look at things that were normal 25 years ago that are literal luxuries now.

- New furniture made with real wood (thanks Ikea!)

- Getting concert tickets being an event in itself

- Single income families being able to buy a house

- Good quality fabric and clothing

- Household products that don't break in the first few years

- Legroom on an airplane and meals on domestic flights (Abe suggested you peasants eat crackers!)

- Affordable healthcare

- Privacy (everything ends on social media these days, you're never safe from a camera)

- Calling a company and getting a real person on the other end (8,000 menus it is)

- Boredom (gone are the days of staring at the ceiling instead of your phone)

Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:

Mon: Angi finally had a day off for Memorial Day

Choice: N/A

Result: Overworked, underappreciated and dealing with a house sale would have normally meant that Angi would crumble like an erupting volcano but luckily for her, there was a day off. While we observed those who gave their everything for us, Angi spent her time contemplating where she would end up living next. It was a day of drinking, deep reflection and wonder as to how she could convince Jay the Straight to leave all his junk behind when they move. In other words, a cathartic moment of calm before the insanity that the rest of the week would clearly bring. (N/A)

Tue: Angi wanted to find a place to live

Choice: John had Angi decide to go live in the Lake Michigan lighthouse

Result: Since Angi didn't seem to put any stock into the theory that her house would sell within a second, she was completely unprepared when her house actually did end up selling in a hot minute. Knowing that she would need to live somewhere since Jay the Straight would be staying with Abe, Angi began to consider properties she could squat at for a time. There was Jay the Gay's house but she knew he would force her to drink and watch a bunch of shows he watched instead of her daily ritual of Vanderpump Rules and The Great. She could have slept at the studio but that was currently being occupied by a bunch of the traffic people and she swore that someone was also leaving almonds around for reasons she had no time to comprehend. It was during a ponderance though that she remembered the Lake Michigan lighthouse, which had remained unused since it was built because no one realized the lake didn't need a lighthouse. Excited, Angi made her way to the towering building, all the while contemplating how to shatter the light so she could get some proper rest. After a quick boat ride in a boat that was unattended with the keys in it, Angi parked along the shoreline and stretched her legs. She was actually shocked to have made it through the water without running into Eric the Freshwater Shark as any time she set foot in the lake, he seemed to be there. Like clockwork though, as soon as she set the thought into the universe, something appeared out of the water. Angi panicked assuming that Eric the Freshwater Shark had arrived but that was not the case. Instead, it was Bruce the Freshwater Octopus wadding in the water. Before she could say anything though, Bruce the Freshwater Octopus jumped out of the lake and onto Angi. It used its many tentacles to latch onto her neck and did not hesitate to strangle her silly. Within a few moments, Angi suffocated and collapsed as Bruce the Freshwater Octopus slid off her and back into the water. (Dead)

Wed: Angi wanted to run on a baseball field

Choice: Mark had Angi decide to run out onto Wrigley Field

Result: In what was becoming a trend in the last few weeks, Angi found herself once more tempted to venture out to Wrigley Field. Sure, this was essentially against her will because the roadies had total control of her movements and she was forced into their whims. With that said, Angi fetched an Uber and made her way to Wrigleyville, skipping the bars, hipsters and food that was offered. Unlike the stadiums where people were jumping out onto the field with reckless abandon, Wrigley Field happened to be absolutely packed. Still determined though, Angi made her way through the stands and down toward the bullpen. She had to be smart about her fully clothed streak but also knew that she was a local celebrity so nothing bad would probably happen to her. Jumping over the divider, Angi sprinted out onto the field much to the shock of the players, coaches and security that was busy breaking up two men with curly mustaches fighting. Knowing that she had to make it memorable, Angi decided to round the bases. As she got to first, the crowd was a bit inspired by her antics. Rounding second though really did it for them and they started to get into it. As she came upon third, the crowd really began to go nuts. They were loving the nonsense and even the Cubs players were cheering her on. It seemed like she was going to do it, she was going to make it home plate. After leaving third, Angi got halfway and decided to showboat a bit. She intended to slide all the way in and really cap off this epic feat. However, as she began to slide, the umpire came out and dropped a spike track that he had gotten from the cops. Unable to stop the slide, Angi continued forward into the spike trap. Unfortunately for her, this trap was specifically designed for humans and so as she slid into it, the blades sliced her to pieces. (Dead)

Thur: Angi wanted to go gain knowledge at Star Wars camp

Choice: Michelle had Angi decide to take Lightsaber Skills 101

Result: After an embarrassing showcase of her lack of knowledge on the show, Angi felt compelled to really up her Star Wars understanding. Sure, it would have no relevance in her life and the only time it would probably come in handy was talking to Walt but being a professional, Angi wanted to always continue educating herself. Weirdly enough, there was a local small college offering Star Wars courses in the basement past the boiler room. After walking past some strangers and guys making lightsaber noises, Angi found herself in a well lit classroom. It really seemed to have everything in it including lightsabers, a replica Millenium Falcon, Storm Trooper outfits, the Slave Leia costume, the Cantina Band, the list went on and on. After entering the room, Angi didn't bother to wait for the instructor to even start before she picked up a lightsaber and started swinging it around. Her intention was to show Abe that one did not have to be force sensitive in order to wield the power of a lightsaber. Angi found herself really putting on a show, jumping and darting across the room, swinging the lightsaber mightily. It seemed that she was actually right, you did not need to be a Jedi to know how to use one. Thrilled, she swung again and cut down a cardboard cutout of Chewbacca. Not realizing that this was apparently a challenge, Angi was shocked when she turned around to see the actual Chewbacca kick the door to the room open. He too had a lightsaber and he was ready to throw down. He charged Angi and swung his lightsaber, allowing the beam to come down and slice off one of her arms. Chewbacca swung once more, cutting off Angi's other arm. This continued the same for both of her legs as Angi fell to the floor. Now just a stump, Chewbacca finished the job by chopping off Angi's head. (Dead)

Fri: Angi wanted to go to the Taylor Swift concert

Choice: John had Angi decide to go as 90's Era Angi

Result: Even though she had a dinosaur race to prepare for and still had yet to find a new house to replace her recently sold house, Angi forsaked her responsibilities to get down at the Taylor Swift concert. Dressed as Angi Taylor of the 90's, Angi was totally feeling her own version of the Eras Tour. After emptying an entire can of Aquanet into her poofed up hair, Angi was ready to show up all the other girls at the concert. Rolling into Soldier Field like a boss, Angi pulled out her flask and prepared to get down to the sick beats. Entering the stadium, Angi was overwhelmed by the sounds of screaming teens and Taylor Swift singing "Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince." What seemed like a good idea was slowly starting to turn into a wave of a lame. By the time Taylor Swift got "Lover," Angi couldn't help but start yawning. The whole thing was incredibly boring and there were still 39 more songs to go. Worse though was that her arms were feeling incredibly itchy. As she started scratching, Angi noticed that she was actually breaking out in hives. What seemed to be a standard itch was actually the beginning of an incredibly bad allergic reaction. Even though she had an allergy test years prior, she never thought to test for being allergic to Taylor Swift. It got worse though as Angi found herself going into anaphylactic shock and the purse she was carrying was filled with cocaine but no epipen. As the screaming fans lost their mind when Taylor started singing "You Belong with Me," Angi's throat closed up, which caused her to fall down the stairs as she suffocated. (Dead)

Request Wars 2.0

Champion: Angi (Streak: 3)

Angi's (repping Jan) Song Choice: "Sabotage" by Beastie Boys

Abe's (repping Myron) Song Choice: "Blue on Black" by Kenny Wayne Shepherd

Winner: Abe

10 O' Clock Toast

Toastee: Grads

Graduation time is upon us and all of them (including Angi's daughter tomorrow) are either moving on to high school, college or the real world. For this reason, Angi, Abe and myself offered up some proper life advice.

Show Quotes and Tidbits:

"Please don't feel bad for Al Pacino, he's banging a super young girl." - Abe

"She's not good looking." - Angi

"Try everything once except crack...don't try crack." - Angi

"Even though that trash bag (Angi) is probably right down the aisle smoking away on the devil's lettuce." - Minn Barb

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