This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
Middle of the week already and even though it is a bit chilly outside, the studio was on fire today (not the typical overheating they do to cause the talent to want to quit, this was thirst heat.) It's actually fitting that today is hump day because Angi mapped out her upcoming vacation in London. Oh you didn't know, that's right, The Angi Taylor Show will be taking a much needed week long vacation soon and Angi has made her intention to go to London known. While one would assume it would be for sightseeing and relaxation, it turns out the only site she really wants to see is a man named Matt. This poor bloke (woe is me) has been crying recently because his 12!!! inch dong is causing him endless grief. Obviously, this natural wonder needs to be investigated so Sherlock Taylor will be on the case but first, let's look at the facts. Matt LonDONG (I know his real last name was mentioned but I mean, let's face it, this is what it should be,) has been navigating endless grief, dating disasters and getting tossed from yoga class. It seems that when he went to the class, they assumed he was hard but that was just the London log in his yoga pants. Marris, voice of reason now, always and forever, suggested that he could have just worn basketball shorts. As this was discussed, Angi lost her mind and Marris tried to make a comparison (oh, you sweet summer child.) You see, he said this is like a girl with DD's but that was quickly washed away as we explored more of this guy's "problems." He apparently was catfished by a girl on a dating app who was not looking for a normal date but wanted him to work with her on her OnlyFans. Matt LonDONG also has said he has no intention of getting a penis reduction. This news, not his truth but that penis reductions exist, blew Angi and Marris' minds. As stated "why would you take something the lord giveth, this beautiful thing." (preach sis) Marris once again was back on the big boobs and said that women get reductions but Angi added that was for pain, which the only kind this man is suffering is mental anguish. In fact, Angi would go as far to say he is not in pain and that she truly feels bad for guys with large dongs. I mean she feels so bad that she needs to have them text, call or DM her to talk about it. Back to the reduction surgery that is unnecessary, almost borderline criminal imo. It costs $18,000 and unlike Marris' pushed breast reduction agenda, this guy does not have back problems, just awesome problems. Anyway, since there are clearly no other issues worth exploring here, be on the lookout for Angi cosplaying as Sherlock Holmes on Instagram and probably a divorce announcement if she finds Matt LonDONG.
Other Stuff from Today's Show
In other wacky Wednesday news, we learned this morning that our extinction is coming even faster because innovation is clearly meant to wipe us out. In a move either inspired by or accidentally homaging the "Metalhead" episode of Black Mirror, robotic metal dogs with flame throwers are now a thing. One would assume that weaponizing machines is probably not something we need to do and if it ends up in the wrong hands, well you know, we're ... toast (ba dum tss!) These metal hell hounds are being created by a company here in the U.S. and are called Therminators (eye roll.) The remote controlled metal monster retails for $9,420 and is intended to be used not as a weapon (sure Jan) but for wildlife control and snow and ice removal. Of course, you get bonuses like the ability to accidentally start wildfires, burn down your house or flame broil that pesky neighbor as well. The Therminator shoots a 30 foot long fire stream, has laser sight and night vision (so basically, a weapon, got it.) Angi felt like these things would be better suited for military usage and it could be like the Game of Thrones dragons. They also have an hour long battery life and similar machines have been used in the Ukraine already (and we see how that's been going.) Marris, inventor of logic, had to wonder how much propane these things could reasonably carry and the combustible components of it all. Angi, as expected, already decided what she would do with her robot dog. She would keep it in the yard and when the pigeons came through, insta cooked squab. Sure, it would need a seasoning blaster built in but think of the chicken at home without having to wait for DoorDash. All we know is that this does not need to be allowed in Florida because they would burn the state to the ground.
Right then, moving along to the biggest story of the day which you knew was going to become the Daily Discussion Topic as soon as it was mentioned. Apparently the Bears will be unveiling their Lakefront stadium reveal at Noon and we the taxpayers are about to get screwed once again. After years of back and forth we're finally getting around to this announcement and this new state of the art enclosed stadium with retractable roof and green space with access to the Lakefront should be cool. It would be a $4,600,000,000 stadium and of course, the Bears want us to cover half of it. We took a moment to compare it to Sofi which cost $5,600,000,000 and so we would expect it to be insane. The Bears have $2,300,000,000 in capital and want $2,300,000,000 in public financing. Obviously there are questions and we assumed you can't tear down Soldier's Field due to landmark status (it's just the pillars) but it would make sense to move them and then flatten that dump or at least dome it. Obviously there would be questions of would this be a new place then what would Soldiers do, be a concert venue? More so, do we really need another stadium so close by. It's all a big mess obviously but since we're footing the bill, we had to know. What realistic or ridiculous thing would you want the venue to have since you're paying for it? Angi's picks included a mandatory trough with built in looking glass for creeps like her and myself to watch. She would also want a mashed potato bar where they are served in martini glasses. Marris was a bit simpler wanting heated seats and massages on the armrest (I think Marris said this, honestly it could have been more Angi delusion.) As for myself, I think they need to have cash dispensers set around the building to give us back some of the money they will be screwing us out of. Anyway, onto the Request Line we go because this whole thing has me annoyed (broke city and yet, let's waste more money.) Dana said half priced tickets for us city residents because after all, we're on the hook for this. We might as well enjoy it since we're paying for it. Head Roadie Troy said a Jack Daniels bar and strippr pole, once the girls are nice and loose, they can go dance. Larry wants a casino (clearly he missed how bad the one they just tossed down is doing) and Angi offered that there will definitely be a sportsbook at this place. Rick wants the return of the Honey Bears, which upon being booted by the old battleaxe Virginia McCaskey, has caused us to be cursed and never win the big one. We would have to rename them though as someone bought the naming rights. Kyle had an absolutely, out of place, novel idea. How about a winning team? I know, crazy talk right. Randy wants a weed bar so we can get toasted before games and send concession sales through the roof. If you are looking for more roadie thoughts or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (Angi Taylor Show) and drop us a comment.
Finally, Donny Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy love each other so much, they have FaceTime sleepovers. This seemingly cute (see: stupid) idea made Marris consider the overall battery drain (on notoriously battery draining iPhones as is) and Angi recall the 90 Day Fiance episode where a woman who "lived in a hut in Vietnam" made her man FaceTime her every waking moment for fear of cheating. Angi explained that this is not so crazy as some people will FaceTime friends and leave the phone on while they wander the house, etc. Now, the celebs do this as a means to see each other since Jenny does The Masked Singer in LA and Donny does Blue Bloods in NY (all while having a house here,) but we explored the creepy side of this. Essentially this is basically tracking and Apple loves to allow you to track others (I would know, I once helped a friend spy on his wife while she was cheating on him.) Marris would be willing to mention he is on his way to something but drop off the radar after that. Angi knows that her car can be watched and tracked by Jay the Straight but the only times she disappears for a half hour is when she's at Liquor Barn. Also, while it is cute to call and fall asleep together, Angi and Marris relished the idea of getting the bed to themselves. When Marris had a live-in girlfriend, the moment she went away for the weekend, he would starfish the bed. As for Angi, well you've heard about the buckets of chicken nude on the couch while Jay the Straight is away. The point here is even though they think this is cute, this only facilitates stalker culture.
Request Wars 3.5
Theme: A Battle of Stadium Anthems!
Current Champion: Angi (1x)
Angi's Song Choice: “Thunderstruck" by AC/DC
Marris' Song Choice: "Jump Around" by House of Pain
Winner: Angi
10 O' Clock Toast:
Toastee: Matt LonDONG
Aside from the girthy foot long hot dog that this guy is slinging around like a cannon, Angi feels bad for this guy. Apparently his sex life is hard due to the sheer volume that needs to be covered but Angi compared it to taking on Everest. You just have to make it to base camp 1 and then you get creative. Angi then pondered how it was hanging with the men (including Jay the Straight) in the studio and where balls go....
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"They're (Mötley Crüe) all CGI, cause they're fat." - Angi
"I feel bad for you guys who have really large wangs ... text, call, DM." - Angi