Abe Kanan was born and raised on the south side of Chicago and grew up hanging out at Metro, Aragon, Riv, and all of Chicago’s music venues, checking...Full Bio


Doordashed whaaat?? - ATS - 3.26.24

This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.

Call in Point:

(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)

OH MY GOD!!!! Don't panic, don't panic ... okay panic!!! The cicadas are coming and we are all doomed or something. As you know, we have chief doomsday cicada chief officer Marris on the case but even that doesn't help some of the revelations that came this morning. While Marris did have some tips for us to help combat the influx of bugs which feels like a marketing stunt for Helldivers 2 (IYKYK,) we need to address more pressing things first. The scheduled emergence of the cicadas is mid May to early June but we could even see them starting in late April. Though it will be bad here in the city, it will be nothing compared to Central Illinois which will see tons upon tons. Apparently there will be 1.5 million per acre and when they die and drop from the trees, the odor from their rotting bodies will be noticeable (air conditioning summer it is.) It was so bad back in the 90's (I remember the 90's!) that they needed to use shovels to clear up the piles of them. In fact, I remember my dad took me and my siblings to see them somewhere and there were just a ton of them. Anyway, with a few facts out of the way, Marris the Exterminator has a few tips for us to follow. First and foremost, you need to make sure you seal all your screens and windows so no cicadas can get into your house. If they do and die inside, you'll be dealing with mystery dead critter smells and no one wants that. Do NOT feed the exoskeletons to your fat (fluffy) friends or your dogs and cat, doing so will mess them up. The meat though is apparently good and Marris suggested that they be recycled and turned into pet food. Make sure you do not have bald tires when the emergence occurs. Apparently, driving over cicadas is like running over wet leaves and so you might skid if you hit a hundred of them. Also, make sure you have windshield wiper fluid and working wipers to clear them when they smash into your windshield like a drunk (Angi) crossing the street that you accidentally hit. If you have long hair, you may want to consider wrapping it up and they will crash into it and get stuck in it. It was this violation of personal air space that sent Angi to the moon finally. Once she realized they could end up in your hair, she lost it and now is rightfully freaked out. Stay safe out there people and remember, stay tuned to The Angi Taylor Show for all your paranoid bug freak out updates.

Other Stuff from Today's Show:

Since we had one dose of doom and gloom, why not another. After all, it is kind of gray outside, a little rainy and just not the most spectacular day. Sure, we were teased when we had those 70's and summer will be here soon enough to burn us to death but for now we must deal. That's right, deal with the guilt of missing out on the sunshine days! In yet another edition of "people clearly have too much time on their hands," a new disorder has been discovered and of course this show would be the first place you're going to hear about it. Dubbed "Sunshine Guilt," this shame fest is produced when the weather is garbage outside but suddenly, it shifts to sunny and beautiful. You should want to run out and embrace the sun but instead, you just don't feel like it and you stay inside lying on the couch with a bucket of chicken on your stomach. This is something that Angi experiences and I am the king of doing but then again I don't leave the house so I'm clearly an outlier when it comes to this. The reasoning behind not going outside can be numerous but it usually has to do with something going on in life that you don't want to deal with or are reeling from and you just want to stay in. Whereas this doesn't apply to Marris as he is activated by the sun, Angi too would like to indulge but alas, she has pigeons, mashed potato knees and Monday Night RAW results to worry about. This trend follows a long list of silly ideals like FOMO, bed rotting and hurkle-durkle, which is the Scottish way of saying being a lazy piece of s.... It tends to also cut deeper if you see your friends on social media out having fun and you're lying on the couch crying because you were reminded at work about how much you hate Maggie Gyllenhaal. The point of all this is when it's nice out, go outside and enjoy the sun, it just wants to love you (and burn you to death with its radiated rays.)

Now that we've tackled all the paranoia and bad things, let's move on to the Daily Discussion Topic for ... more bad things. Today's show really was all sorts of doom and gloom if you consider it but again, look out the window and you'll see that it's kind of a gray day. Today's discussion was spawned by a landlord who took his idea of revenge a bit too far when his tenants broke the washer and dryer. He ended up lighting a cardboard box on fire, threw it into their flat and ended up burning the whole thing down. He was charged with arson, reckless endangerment and other things but luckily the couple was not home when he did it. Obviously, being pushed to the brink is a human trait but if you're renting a place, you need to pull it back some. However, what fun is it to look at good people? We wanted to hear about garbage landlords. Angi had one in her 20's that was king of the creeps. He would leave notes for Angi all the time that started out caring "how's your place?" "everything good?" to pressing "is your dishwasher okay?" to downright stalker "I noticed you come home really late all the time, make sure you are being safe." with a rose attached to it. The final straw was when the guy (who lived upstairs) called the cops on Angi after she had gotten into a fight with her then boyfriend. She just knew he was always watching her and that was enough for her not to renew the lease when it was up. As for Prison Tattoo, his landlord just straight up refuses to fix stuff around the building. Oh, your 110 year old building doesn't have fire extinguishers, too bad, she's not responsible (spoiler alert, she is.) With Angi and Prison Tattoo's nightmare landlord stories told, we moved to the Request Line to hear roadie horror stories. Brooke's kitchen floor is trash and the landlord refuses to fix it. It costs money so two middle fingers up is the response even though the city has come in and told her to fix it and yet nothing has happened. Steve was living in a community living thing in Woodstock and had 8 roommates. The 70ish year old biker chick (see: mess) landlord was banging half of the roommates to allow them to stay for free. Steve was not keen on hitting the old bags bag but Angi offered up back in the day, she might have run that type of living. John had a studio apartment with a landlord that would never leave his place, chain smoked and would come out shirtless with his colostomy bag just hanging out. He loved to pry into John's personal life and he was just awkward and awful.

Finally, do you ever worry that you are bad in bed? After all, as Angi explained, people always assume two things: they are funny and they are a great driver. Most of this is not true and that can be said for those who might think they are stallions in the sack. 60% of people are worried that they suck at sex and here are some common obstacles that can signal things are not going great.

- Having sex with the lights off. Angi is fine with lights on or off but wanting them off all the time shows a lack of body confidence and freeness to be open. Angi was definitely more lights off when she was younger though, showing us she has grown as a person.

- You get distracted in the midst of passion. That laundry you need to do or those nagging kids must be ignored.

- You never discuss sex. It is incredibly important to talk about it but most people have been shamed into being embarrassed about it. You need to check in and the results will always be better. Don't be embarrassed by your wants and kinks.

- Sticking to tried and true techniques. What may be good for getting you there may not be good for the other. It's a dangerous path to tread down sticking to the same old same because you know it well or enjoy it and routines get boring.

- Your partner is rarely in the mood. This crushes confidence. So if you have a headache, are tired or drank two bottles of dinner wine, be like Angi and take one for the team. 

- Terrified you're not performing. You need to get out of your head and roll with the punches. Angi feels this is more of a dude thing and not everyone needs to be a rockstar in bed.

Request Wars 3.5

Theme: Best MTV Videos of Rock Songs

Current Champion: Angi (1x)

Angi's Song Choice: “Sabotage" by Beastie Boys

Marris' Song Choice: "Learn to Fly" by Foo Fighters

Winner: Angi

10 O' Clock Toast:

Toastee: Alvin, the DoorDash Guy

After a woman ordered pads, her DoorDash guy felt compelled to be a nice guy and give her a chocolate bar to alleviate her symptoms. This sweet gesture was immediately taken to task by Angi for being absolutely creepy and read him the riot act. If he had brought tequila, maybe this would be okay but instead, Angi and HP have labeled him a creep.

Show Quotes and Tidbits:

"Chances are you're listening to this show, you're a rocker, you're great in bed." - Angi

"In their pouches they (kangaroos) have boxing gloves, they will take them out and beat your ass." - Angi

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